Got a toothbrush?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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