ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
