she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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