so explain again why im purple
no
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
