I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
