I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
