people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
