I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
