I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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