You smell like stripper and shame
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
