Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
