dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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