Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
