took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
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hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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