He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
