I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
