I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You pole danced in your parka.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
