I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
