like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
