Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
