That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
