Betty ford says i'm here all night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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