at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
