I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
