We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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