Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hippo gnu deer
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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