I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
