Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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