i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
