Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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