I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
