What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
