I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
