You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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