You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
