I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
