What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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