Your tits are I can't wait for
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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