went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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