Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
