When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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