And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Of course I have a pirate flag
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
