he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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