DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
