dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
