Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
