apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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