I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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