as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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