I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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