Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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