You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
