Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
