D3 body, D1 cock
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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