morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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