I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
