dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
