Don't you send me to vm
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
