if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
