no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
