i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
