I hope mine doesn't look like that
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
