i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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