3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
